There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
