it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
