Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize