My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize