Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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