The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
