there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
