M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
