apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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