Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
