i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
