She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
