I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
