My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
