I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
