woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
