I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
