You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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