so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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