we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
