he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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