You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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