I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
