dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
