I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
