I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
