I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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