Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
