Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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