hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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