I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
