my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
