no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
