i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
