just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
