If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
