i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
