I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
