she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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