And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
