As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize