I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
