idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
