I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
