I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
this hospital has no fireball
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
