We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You dont lie about slip and slides
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
