I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
