My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
