Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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