When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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