But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
