Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
