She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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