I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
