So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
