i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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