I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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