checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
