it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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