He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
