I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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