I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
