hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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