I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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